Finding Beauty in Everything

This melted my heart!  It's incredible how hearts seem to grow when we experience heartache.  This story is sad, yet so beautiful.  Truly, there is beauty even in the adversities we face.  It is how this man responds that is so beautiful.  Not with bitterness, but continued love.

Laughing through life is better than crying through life--though crying sometimes feels good too

"There are some years in our lives that we would not want to live again.  But even these years will pass away, and the lessons learned will be a future blessing."

"Elder Neal A. Maxwell once said, "We are here in mortality, and the only way to go is through; there isn't any around!"  I would add, the only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it.  You either have to laugh or cry.  I prefer to laugh.  Crying gives me a headache.

-Marjorie Pay  Hinckley

Be patient in afflictions, for thou shalt have many but endure them, for, lo, I am with thee, even unto the end of thy days.

-D&C: 24:8

I can't believe it's already the last month of 2013.  This year was a toughie but one can always find something to be grateful for when looking for it.  I don't know how I will feel in the future when I look back on this year, but I hope to gain a stronger sense of compassion, fortified self-worth, and a better understanding of the love of my Heavenly Father.

I had a nice holiday break from school, because I went home to be with my parents, sisters, nieces, nephews, and friends.  I especially enjoyed being with the children.  I love their liveliness, honesty, innocence, and meekness.  It is so fun to watch them learn and grow and incredible to me how they grasp complex linguistic concepts so quickly!

Back at school, I have opportunities to laugh daily with my fellow classmates!  I love laughing and stupid jokes!

Speech-Language Pathologist humor

Dear Family and Friends, Thanks for the Love and Support

I dreaded the conversation of having the break the news of my divorce to my oldest sisters.  I called one of my sisters to let her know and the conversation went like this:

Me, "Hey I justed wanted to let you know that I'm getting a divorce."

My Sister, "I knew you were."

Me, "oh, you did?  How?"

My Sister, "I saw a change in your status on facebook."

Me, "oh, well I just wanted to let you know."

It felt awkward and I didn't know what else to say.  I felt sad and like others would judge me.  A couple of weeks later, she sent me a package with a new pair of runners and a scarf with a note that said something to the effect of, "I know what your going through and I hope these shoes will help you through it, and the scarf will keep you warm."  I cried.  It was the best thing that she could give me.  Running shoes.  She has been through this before as well. 

I have had some much love and support from those around me.  They are like God's angels helping me through this time and keeping me going and believing.  I am so grateful that I have these people in my life.  My other sister (I have four) came and visited me one weekend so I wouldn't have to be alone, my other sister was there the weekend I had to move out.  My parents came immediately the next day to help me move, and then came back again with a bookshelf that my dad built for me.  My friends at school have been supportive, kind, and have left notes of encouragement for me.  My former Relief Society president sent me a package and a letter.  I can't believe all the love I have felt while going through this difficult time.  I have had less time to feel alone with the love I feel from them. These people in my life remind me of the scripture that those desiring to be part of God's people must be, "willing to mourn with those that mourn, yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things and in all places."  I have been comforted by other people so much in the past month.  This is what the Savior would do, is comfort those who need comfort. 

Family and Friends:  Thank you for your Christ-like love and words and actions that brought me comfort.  I hope to one day do the same for someone else!

On another note, yesterday I put those running shoes to work by trying out a trail to run on.  It was muddy and snowy, but I enjoyed the weather.  The funny part is the trail kind of ended.  It was supposed to be a loop and I ended up in this muddy field running through sage brush with no trail, and then on a farmer's field having to cut under barbed wire to get back to my car.  It was an adventure, but I had moments where I felt the beauty of this world and thanked God for my health.  Below are pictures from my run and a picture of the running shoes and cute scarf my sister sent me.  She always has great taste!

God Heard the Sobbings of My Heart

When I found out that my husband wanted to end our marriage, I retreated to prayer and in my heartache, I poured out my soul to Heavenly Father and wanted an answer on three specific things: 1) I felt like I would be a misfit as a single, divorced woman in her late 20's going to church in a church so focused on families 2) I didn't understand why I felt so right about marrying in the first place; why was I led down this "wrong road" and 3) I wanted to know where I stood before Him; where was my fault in all this?  I prayed and prayed and felt nothing and then I thought to myself that I had not read my scriptures that morning and I considered where I should read, I considered a few things, but I remembered that I had never finished listening to the talks from the General Relief Society meeting so I listened to the talk by Linda S. Reeves that I hadn't heard yet.  The second half answered each one of my questions in order.  She mentions Jacob 2, which I feel is an applicable scripture to my situation.  I want to quote one portion from the words of the ancient prophet Jacob to his people,
       
           "Ye have broken the hearts of your tender wives, and lost the confidence of your children, because of your bad examples before them; and the sobbings of their hearts ascend up to God against you."

I had wondered previously if God had heard my prayers.  When I found out about "the other girl" I cried to God about it, and felt like He wasn't there.  I remember feeling so alone.  I know now that He heard and He was there listening to the "sobbings of my heart."

Anyways the talk I heard that answered my prayer related a story about the Provo tabernacle burning down.  Why did God allow this to happen?  He could have stopped the fire.  But He allowed it to burn the inside of the building totally, creating a new beginning for that building.  Later that year, the prophet announced that it would become a magnificent temple, a house of the Lord, a most holy place.  So it is with our lives.  We are refined from the inside so that we can become magnificent.  What it is I will become I am not sure.  I know that I have developed more compassion for others through this, realizing that all are fighting a battle at some or many points in their lives.  Anyways, here is the link, it's an awesome talk.  My answers start at 4:10, but the whole thing is great.

I am grateful that I have been taught to pray so that when the "tempest is raging" I know to turn to the Master.

Grad School

It is almost midnight and I just submitted a large project for my language class.  I hope I did well on it!  Anyways, I have such a fun cohort in my grad program.  I am so grateful for the girls (and one guy) in my cohort that are supportive and fun.  We always are able to laugh at ourselves as we go through this stressful process.  I am so grateful for good friends who have done so much for me in the past month.  Mostly listening!  I have had a lot to talk about with my personal life and I have had so much support from my friends, cohort, and faculty.

Also, I am grateful for my mom.  She is definitely someone that you'd want on your side when the going gets rough.  I love her!  I got to text her a little bit this morning but it's been a busy day and now I'm going to bed.

Wrong Roads

This video was a reassurance to me.  Going through a divorce makes one question faith.  When I chose to marry Zach I felt very strongly that it was the right thing for me to do.  I prayed about it and pondered it and went to the temple about it.  I felt such a strong answer that it was right and then this is what happens.  Three years of my life feel like they are down the drain.  I tried my best to make it work and it didn't matter to him.  He just didn't love me.  Looking back now I recognize that because I often tried to hold his hand or kiss him and he would just not return the affection.  That is not love.  This morning I was questioning the reality of the Spirit of personal revelation.  Either the spirit doesn't really communicate with us or I just am bad at communicating with it.  This is what I was thinking because of my failed marriage that I had felt so confident would last.  Elder Holland's words bring me peace.  My marriage to Zach was a dead end.  But maybe there is a purpose in it.  I at least know that I am not at fault as far as the divorce goes.  I would not have decided on it.  I would have chosen to work through our imperfections.  I tried to let go and forgive him for having a relationship with another girl.  And now I have proven my commitment.  Despite heartaches I would have held on to Zach as long as he would have stayed, but he left.

Now I am looking forward.  What was I to gain from all this?  What can I learn?  One thing I know is I will not lose faith.

Please watch!

http://www.mormonchannel.org/video/mormon-messages?v=2714780496001

Potato Soup

I lately have wondered if Heavenly Father is there and if He is aware of my struggling.  I have to share a story that has come to my mind in this difficulty of facing an unwanted and unexpected divorce.  In September, I was beginning a Master's program in Speech and Language Pathology and working and concerned about my marriage.  The semester started out with many demands and I felt overwhelmed.  Not to mention I was commuting 80 miles one way every day by public transportation and it was a 2-hour one-way commute.  I had been unable to catch up on grocery shopping, but I also had been so stressed over school and life that I had been unable to eat much.  While at school one day I was getting ready to walk the mile or so up to my bus stop and I was thinking "I'm hungry, but nothing sounds good.  All I want to eat right now is potato soup."  After I commuted to Rexburg, I was walking home in the dark and had had a really long day without much to eat.  I don't remember, but I think the Salt Lake Express was late in getting me back because I remember walking home in the dark and it was chilly and my husband was unavailable to give me a ride.  While walking home I was thinking about how tired and hungry I was, but wondering what I would eat when I got home because of our empty cupboards and fridge.  I would have to soon go to bed to wake up very early the next morning just to get back on the bus.  When I arrived home, there was a warm container of potato soup from a sister in my ward whom I hardly knew.  She must have left it there just a few minutes before!  I teared up a little and was so grateful!  But it did not seem like a coincidence that just a few hours earlier I was thinking that potato soup was the only thing I wanted to eat.  I promptly gobbled part of it right up (after a quick prayer of gratitude) and left some for Zach and took some for my lunch the next day.
 A couple of weeks later, my husband broke the news to me that he wanted a divorce.  He is in love with someone else, and couldn't remember the last time he felt love for me.  I felt so down, so alone, and so confused.  It felt like the darkest moment of my life.  My prayers were almost angry and I cried to God in despair, "You are not there!  I don't feel you close!  Where are you!"  During this cry to Heavenly Father, the spirit reminded me of the potato soup.  It confirmed in my heart that that was not a coincidence.  It's as if He was responding to my prayer before I even prayed it when He directed that faithful sister to bring me some soup.  I have held on to that tender mercy and reminded myself of it when I feel alone.  Because of this tender mercy in my life, I have renewed faith that my Heavenly Father is indeed aware of me and my heartache and He hears the sobbings of my heart (Jacob 2).  He loves me.
 I hope that I can one day be an answer to another's prayer the way she was for me.  Thank you sister Ryan! 

Two legs

I'm so glad I have two working legs and a good set of lungs so I can run.

Things happen for a reason

When reading a story about the pioneers on the Willie and Martin handcart companies, I wondered "why would God allow so many bad things to happen to these faithful saints?"  They had felt their testimonies burn within them and wanted to follow the commandment to gather in the Salt Lake valley.  These people felt a burning within them and a desire to follow God's commandments and join with the saints in Utah.  They sacrificed and left their beloved homes to come to America and then walk by foot and with handcarts across the plains to Utah.  It seems that everything that could have, went wrong along the journey.  They got a late start and the winter came early.  They ended up with very little food, not enough clothing to keep them warm and terrible conditions through which they persevered.

I think to myself, "had it been me, I would have lost faith and questioned if this was right because why would God have led them to freeze and starve in a frozen high desert in Wyoming?  Why were they prompted or commanded to come to the Salt Lake valley so urgently (meaning that year) in the first place when so many ended up dying and suffering?"  I asked my dad with tears in my eyes after reading about their terrible plight.  His response, "I know, those people suffered so much, but we have to remember that things happen for a reason.  Look at how much they and their posterity have prospered ever since coming to the valley."

These were the finest people on Earth and yet the Lord allowed these things to happen.  They had their miracles as well.  Many miraculous things happened on the journey.  One reason this happened to them is apparent now; they're testimonies of the truthfulness of a never changing God burned brightly through the Wyoming winter as a light for all those who follow in their faith.  I asked Heavenly Father why I felt so strongly that I should marry Zach?  I had no doubts and I felt so confident and I still stand by those special experiences I had in response to many prayers seeking direction when confronted with the decision of whom to marry.  After all, God is omnipresent.  He does not follow time, and all things are present to Him.  This does not take away our agency, He just knows.  Anyways, He knew the kinds of choices Zach would make and eventually that he would leave me and divorce me.  Why then would He have led me to marry him?  (because I felt so strongly that He had)  Or why didn't I receive a warning from the spirit or an uneasiness about marrying him?  I don't know.  But those early saints could have asked the same question.  "why did God direct us to this point of starving and dying in a frozen desert so far away from our native lands?"  But they didn't, or if they did, they let themselves be content with knowing that one day they would know God's purpose.  Things happen for a reason.  At least those faithful saints have been an example to me of staying close to God even when it gets tough and you feel abandoned.  I am not abandoned.  I recognize the love and support that God blesses me with through this difficult time.  I have felt buoyed up.  My spirits are up.  I have little time to feel lonely.   

Baby Hopes

I haven't posted for a couple of months.  I've had a rough time of it the last couple of weeks though.  My doctor prescribed me clomid to help me get pregnant, and I'm not pregnant.  Then she put me through tests and tests, to really find nothing new.  I don't know where to go from here.  I've always been pretty healthy, at a healthy weight, and now my body is not functioning properly to have a baby.  This month will be our 3rd anniversary, and it's so hard to still not have any children.  My heart is broken over this.  I'm searching for things to be grateful for in this to look on the brighter side, and all I can find is the basic comforts of life I have.  I have what I need, I have parents who love and support me, and I have the knowledge of my Savior, Jesus Christ, who can heal broken hearts.  Today is fast Sunday and in my fasting prayers, I ask the Lord to direct me.  I know that wanting to have a baby is a righteous desire.  The Lord commands us to be parents.  Parenting brings us closer to God and helps us to become more like Him.  I am not sure exactly what to ask for in my prayers, though.  Should I ask the Lord to bless my body so that I can get pregnant?  Should I ask the Lord to direct me to know what supplements, or medications to take that will most benefit me?  Or should I just ask the Lord to direct my paths to lead me to parenthood whether it's through adoption or biological means.  Maybe I need to get over the thought of giving birth to my child and accept a child that comes to me through adoption.

To My Father

I would like to start off with a story I took from D. Todd Christofferson's talk in October 2006 General Conference:

Years ago, when my brothers and I were boys, our mother had radical cancer surgery. She came very close to death. Much of the tissue in her neck and shoulder had to be removed, and for a long time it was very painful for her to use her right arm.

One morning about a year after the surgery, my father took Mother to an appliance store and asked the manager to show her how to use a machine he had for ironing clothes. The machine was called an Ironrite. It was operated from a chair by pressing pedals with one’s knees to lower a padded roller against a heated metal surface and turn the roller, feeding in shirts, pants, dresses, and other articles. You can see that this would make ironing (of which there was a great deal in our family of five boys) much easier, especially for a woman with limited use of her arm. Mother was shocked when Dad told the manager they would buy the machine and then paid cash for it. Despite my father’s good income as a veterinarian, Mother’s surgery and medications had left them in a difficult financial situation.

On the way home, my mother was upset: “How can we afford it? Where did the money come from? How will we get along now?” Finally Dad told her that he had gone without lunches for nearly a year to save enough money. “Now when you iron,” he said, “you won’t have to stop and go into the bedroom and cry until the pain in your arm stops.” She didn’t know he knew about that. I was not aware of my father’s sacrifice and act of love for my mother at the time, but now that I know, I say to myself, “There is a man.”

The link to the whole talk, which is wonderful is: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2006/10/let-us-be-men?lang=eng&cid=email-shared  I think my father is a good example of a man as described in this talk.  Anyways...
 
The weather here in eastern Idaho is heavenly.  Long sunny days and warm, but not hot.  This morning as I was walking to church, the warm sun on my face took me back to the feelings of comfort from my childhood of laying on the floor of the boat on calm waters at the lake and hearing the soft lapping of the very wakes we created against the side of the boat, and feeling the warmth of the high sun on my back.  I felt safe with my dad there, in the boat with me and my sisters.  This "flashbulb memory" took my mind to thoughts of my dad and my deep love and respect for him.  As a young girl, my dad was a hero, as a teenager, he was perfect, and now, he is a source of stability and love in my life.  Now that I'm married myself, I understand that he was not perfect, but he diligently fulfilled his responsibilities as a father.  He was there for me when my mom couldn't be, spending time with me was a priority, he always worked hard to provide for the family, he fixed things, and he was always quick to give me a tight squeeze and look down at me to tell me he loves me.  I always felt secure when he was around.  He is usually happy, and always thrilled when I come home.  He listens.  He taught me how to be a good athlete and would run with me in the mornings before I went to school and he went to his office.  He coached my soccer team for four years and my basketball team once.  I never had a better coach than him.  He saw the skills and potential in me and my teammates and helped us cultivate it while instilling us with confidence and having a good time.  "Soccer is a game," he would say, "it's meant to be fun."  I always knew he was proud of me, and I didn't want to do anything that would disappoint him.  I remember coming home from elementary school to my dad getting ready to take me night skiing at Bogus Basin, the little ski hill in my town.  I wanted him to teach me how to fish, but we didn't usually catch much.  Camping and backpacking trips, water-skiing, bike rides, all of it, I loved doing it all with my dad.   We cried together on the phone when our dog died and I was away at college.  We both loved and trained that dog.  Most of all, I never doubted that he loves me.  He would be the one to notice when I was sad, or felt bad, or was down, and would come to me to lovingly talk about it.  He set the standard of what kind of men I should date, and what kind of man I should eventually marry.

In contemplating this, I thought of the scripture, "Or what man is there of you, who if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?  Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?  If ye then, although you are wicked, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?" (Matt 7:9-11)

This scripture follows the explanation that we, as children of our Heavenly Father, ask, it shall be given (Matt 7:7).  But I take meaning from this scripture that earthly parents are imperfect yet they deeply love and care for their children, but we have other parents in heaven, the parents of our spirits, who are perfect and love us perfectly, and know exactly what it is we need.  I believe this to be true, but at times I feel so far away from Him, my Father in heaven.  I am grateful for the love of my earthly father that helps me understand the love of my Father in heaven.  I am also grateful that, because of Christ, I can live with my earthly family forever, beyond this mortal life and into the eternities. 

A Visitor, A Delightful Book, and Hope

This last weekend my sister-in-law came to visit.  It was great to have her, and when I got home from work late Friday evening, she and my husband had made brownies and bought ice-cream.  Yum!  We also enjoyed a nice little hike with beautiful scenery and weather.

I love a good book.  I am 1/4 of the way through The Shoemaker's Wife by Adriana Trigiani, recommended to me by my older sister.  So far I adore it.  It takes place in Italy, one of my favorite places in the world, and it is light and uplifting, and a joy to read.  Here is a quote describing one of the main character's (a teenage orphaned boy) dreams of a future home:

"He'd live at the end of the street, high on the mountain, with a good view of the valley below.  He'd open his windows in the morning and let the fresh breeze through, as the sunlight filled every room, as bright as the petal of a daffodil.  Light would fill every corner, and happiness would fill every room.  The love of a good wife and children would fill his heart"

My favorite part is the last line.  So sweet!

On a spiritual note: today I attended church and felt hope and gratitude thanks to my savior Jesus Christ.  I have felt low recently--feeling a lack of confidence, unlovable,  and recognizing several weaknesses in myself that seem monstrous to overcome.  But, as I partook of the sacrament today, I reflected on Christ's resurrection and I read in John about his appearance first to Mary.  I reflected on His love and appreciation for the women in His life (also demonstrated by His love for his mother Mary while on the cross) and how He appeared first to a woman after overcoming death.  I then reflected on his patience for the apostles as He continuously taught them and how Thomas doubted, but Christ was patient with him.  I felt comforted that Heavenly Father is patient with his children and I gained hope in forgiveness of sins, repentance, and an ability to change and become better and closer to Heavenly Father because Christ suffered and overcame both physical death and spiritual death so that He could help us do the same.

Learn to like the everyday things

“If you want one thing too much it’s likely to be a disappointment. The healthy way is to learn to like the everyday things, like soft beds and buttermilk—and feisty gentlemen.”
― Said by Augustus McCrae in Larry McMurtry's book Lonesome Dove (a book I enjoyed)

 

I feel like the first thing that comes to my mind when I daily reflect on my blessings is delicious food!  Today I made a salad with the remaining few items in our fridge.  The lettuce was a "spring mix" with feta cheese, bacon, green onions, and kalamata olives, sunflower seeds and almond slices with olive oil and red wine vinegar as a dressing.  I don't know why, but it tasted amazing.  (ok, maybe it tasted amazing because of the bacon) Side note: while we lived with my husband's family for a few months, I got to know my mother-in-law quite well because we made amazing salads together at lunchtime.  So now, I feel like I should call her whenever I put together an especially good one. :)  Oh and thanks to my husband, we have a huge costco size jar of kalamata olives that he wanted to get.  They have proven to be well worth the price and a great addition to several of our meals!  So shout out to him for the olives which made the salad, along with the feta and bacon.  YUM

Another thing I'm grateful for:  I got a haircut and decided I wanted bangs straight across.  When I returned from my haircut, I decided I wanted more bangs, and I impulsively cut more myself.  Immediately after I regretted it and wished I could find some potion or herb that would make my hair grow out again.  I had to go to work right after and was dreading it, because I couldn't find a hat to wear to cover the butch job.  But the guys at work (my "clients") reassured me that, though uneven, my bangs look "unique" and "nice".  One of them decided he would come with me to shop for a hat, but we decided I didn't need one after all, and chose instead to go to one of his favorite spots in town: the ford dealership with shiny new mustangs to look at.  He always has to check the price of his favorite mustang to see if it changed.  When these guys are in a good mood, they can be so fun to be around :) and it just made me smile the way they consoled me about my bad haircut and this story does not do it justice. 

Saving Your Marriage

I have been married for almost three years.  In my mind we have had bumps in the road, but have slowly been working through them, and overall, happy together.  I recently discovered that my husband does not feel the same way and for about a month and a half, had conversed with a single girl, and told her some things that were painful for me to see.  After discovering a portion of these conversations I immediately felt despair, heartbreak, and wondered what I had done so wrong.  Since then we have, I feel, begun to work through these things.  I must learn to forgive him, and he must learn to love me again and we both need to learn to listen and communicate better.  It is work, and never before have I felt such heartache.  I find that I feel comfort in the teachings of Jesus Christ and His living apostles that are on the earth today who speak truth and counsel.  The following video is good advice, and it comes from excerpts of Elder Oaks' address in a general conference (general conference occurs twice a year; the first weekend in April and the first weekend in October where the prophet, his counselors and the 12 apostles speak to the world and the church members).  The words of Elder Oaks give me hope and comfort.  A marriage is a living thing that must be daily nurtured and, if injured, wounded or neglected, healed.  I am so grateful for these bold, straightforward words of counsel and encouragement that help me to know the right thing to do, and to not give up.       

In-Laws and a Barber Shop

In-Laws and a Barber Shop

My coworker's mother-in-law just passed away unexpectedly at a fairly young age.  I thought of how sad that is, and pondered at how short our mortal time is and how frail human life is.  I wondered that if I lost someone close to me if there were loving words left unsaid, or things unforgiven or that I need to apologize for.  I began thinking about how I would console my husband if he suffered such a loss, which would also be a big loss for me.  This sad event gets me to the point of this post:  I am so grateful for my in-laws.  They are wonderful.  I can call my mother-in-law to talk and she listens.  My two older sisters-in-law have become great friends to me and I love them both.  My father-in-law is kind and accepting, though a bit more reserved.  I genuinely enjoy and look forward to spending time with them.  This is a blessing because I know there are many who do not feel the same way about their in-laws.  I love my own family and my parents and siblings and having a great love for my husband's family doesn't diminish that, but adds to it.  I am so grateful for their acceptance and love.  Today is also my mother-in-law's birthday, so it seems appropriate to quietly express my gratitude for her here.

Also, a fun event for me today was at work.  I work with disabled guys in a group home.  This morning Trent (name changed) needed a hair cut and insisted on going to the barber, but all he wanted was to have his hair "buzzed" all the same short length; something I could do for free, ha ha.  It was fun, though, to go to the barber shop where old men, some with crazy beards were just sitting around talking.  I felt like it should be a movie, or the male version of "Steel Magnolias".  The haircut took about 2 minutes, and cost $12.00, (Trent was disappointed that he didn't have enough for a tip, so cute!) which just makes me laugh, but Trent was happy, and the old men were happy, and I couldn't help but smile.  My job has fun days, embarrassing days (when they yell obscenities in public), rewarding days, and stressful days.   

And, I loved the rain today.  The rain in the desert smells so good, and it looks pretty green around here!

It seems that everyone is blogging these days!  I am resolute to change and have a better attitude of gratitude and thus this is a blog dedicated to the daily things, events, occurrences, people, etc that I'm grateful for.  I saw this pin a month or two ago on Pinterest, and it is one of the few "quotes" that has really stuck in my mind, and I sometimes remember it in my evening prayers :).  (I googled this image, it is not mine)


I hope that changing my attitude to be thankful for things will change other things in my life.  I currently am struggling with marriage issues on top of issues of infertility and wanting to be a mom.  So enough of that!  This is a blog that focuses on the beauty of each new day and the positive!

To start off I have to go to work soon, so I am so grateful that I have an opportunity to make money!