I lately have wondered if Heavenly Father is there and if He is aware of my struggling. I have to share a story that has come to my mind in this difficulty of facing an unwanted and unexpected divorce. In September, I was beginning a Master's program in Speech and Language Pathology and working and concerned about my marriage. The semester started out with many demands and I felt overwhelmed. Not to mention I was commuting 80 miles one way every day by public transportation and it was a 2-hour one-way commute. I had been unable to catch up on grocery shopping, but I also had been so stressed over school and life that I had been unable to eat much. While at school one day I was getting ready to walk the mile or so up to my bus stop and I was thinking "I'm hungry, but nothing sounds good. All I want to eat right now is potato soup." After I commuted to Rexburg, I was walking home in the dark and had had a really long day without much to eat. I don't remember, but I think the Salt Lake Express was late in getting me back because I remember walking home in the dark and it was chilly and my husband was unavailable to give me a ride. While walking home I was thinking about how tired and hungry I was, but wondering what I would eat when I got home because of our empty cupboards and fridge. I would have to soon go to bed to wake up very early the next morning just to get back on the bus. When I arrived home, there was a warm container of potato soup from a sister in my ward whom I hardly knew. She must have left it there just a few minutes before! I teared up a little and was so grateful! But it did not seem like a coincidence that just a few hours earlier I was thinking that potato soup was the only thing I wanted to eat. I promptly gobbled part of it right up (after a quick prayer of gratitude) and left some for Zach and took some for my lunch the next day.
A couple of weeks later, my husband broke the news to me that he wanted a divorce. He is in love with someone else, and couldn't remember the last time he felt love for me. I felt so down, so alone, and so confused. It felt like the darkest moment of my life. My prayers were almost angry and I cried to God in despair, "You are not there! I don't feel you close! Where are you!" During this cry to Heavenly Father, the spirit reminded me of the potato soup. It confirmed in my heart that that was not a coincidence. It's as if He was responding to my prayer before I even prayed it when He directed that faithful sister to bring me some soup. I have held on to that tender mercy and reminded myself of it when I feel alone. Because of this tender mercy in my life, I have renewed faith that my Heavenly Father is indeed aware of me and my heartache and He hears the sobbings of my heart (Jacob 2). He loves me.
I hope that I can one day be an answer to another's prayer the way she was for me. Thank you sister Ryan!
A couple of weeks later, my husband broke the news to me that he wanted a divorce. He is in love with someone else, and couldn't remember the last time he felt love for me. I felt so down, so alone, and so confused. It felt like the darkest moment of my life. My prayers were almost angry and I cried to God in despair, "You are not there! I don't feel you close! Where are you!" During this cry to Heavenly Father, the spirit reminded me of the potato soup. It confirmed in my heart that that was not a coincidence. It's as if He was responding to my prayer before I even prayed it when He directed that faithful sister to bring me some soup. I have held on to that tender mercy and reminded myself of it when I feel alone. Because of this tender mercy in my life, I have renewed faith that my Heavenly Father is indeed aware of me and my heartache and He hears the sobbings of my heart (Jacob 2). He loves me.
I hope that I can one day be an answer to another's prayer the way she was for me. Thank you sister Ryan!
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