The Lord is in the Details of Our Lives.

Again, my brothers and sisters, our Heavenly Father is aware of our needs and will help us as we call upon Him for assistance. I believe that no concern of ours is too small or insignificant. The Lord is in the details of our lives.

                                                                              -President Thomas S. Monson

      I remember as a newly called missionary (to the Russia, Samara mission), I loved to sing in the Choir at the Missionary Training Center (MTC).  Every Sunday a leader of the church came to speak to us missionaries in training, and the MTC choir always sang for these meetings.  I remember feeling so much joy in singing the hymns to the leaders of the church and sharing the thoughts of my heart through song.  I even prayed in gratitude thanking Heavenly Father that I was given the opportunity while in the MTC to share my testimony of the reality of our Heavenly Father, and His love for us and all of His children, and of prophets, revelation, miracles, peace, happiness, eternity, etc with the leaders of the church.  I know that Heavenly Father heard this prayer of gratitude.
      Over a year later, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, the first counselor to the prophet, along with Elder Anderson, an apostle, came to visit our mission in Russia.  It was a small intimate meeting with Pres. Uchtdorf and Elder Anderson and their wives, and I was asked to sing in a quartet, one of my favorite hymns, "Lead Kindly Light" in my favorite language, Russian.  I am not a wonderful singer, I can stay in tune with practice, so truly, this was a very special experience for me.  I felt that indeed this was in response to my prayer of gratitude for being able to sing for the apostles when they came to the MTC and share my love and support for them.  
      Our Heavenly Father is truly in the details of our lives, as is evident by the beauty of these snowflakes.  So small and insignificant, and short-lived, yet, they are created with delicate beauty.  That is how our Heavenly Father is.  He loves us, and makes everything beautiful for our wonderment and enjoyment.  We are not small and insignificant to Him.  We are eternal and have a capability of becoming like Him, creators and divine architects.        

Enduring Adversity, “When love meets no return the result is suffering, and the greater the love the greater the suffering." Edith Hamilton

An excerpt taken from Elder Maxwell's talk: "Enduring Well." 

Anne Morrow Lindbergh wisely cautioned: “I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness and the willingness to remain vulnerable” (quoted in “Lindbergh Nightmare,” Time, 5 February 1973, 35).

Certain forms of suffering, endured well, can actually be ennobling. Annie Swetchine said, “Those who have suffered much are like those who know many languages; they have learned to understand and be understood by all” (quoted in Neal A. Maxwell, We Will Prove Them Herewith [1982], 123).

The Apostle Paul spoke from considerable personal experience when observing that “no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous” (Heb. 12:11). You and I are not expected to pretend chastening is pleasant, but we are expected to “endure it well” (D&C 121:8). Only afterward is “the peaceable fruit of righteousness” enjoyed by those who “are exercised thereby” (Heb. 12:11). But what demanding calisthenics!

Yes, demanding in deed, and there are days when I feel like I have a big hole in my heart and I'm just living, breathing, and missing out on what my life is really meant to be. 

If you look up "Adversity" on LDS.org, you'll find:

When some people face adversity, they complain and become bitter. They ask questions like “Why does this have to happen to me? Why do I have to suffer this now? What have I done to deserve this?” But these questions have the power to dominate their thoughts. Such questions can overtake their vision, absorb their energy, and deprive them of the experiences the Lord wants them to receive. Rather than responding in this way, people should consider asking questions such as, “What am I to do? What am I to learn from this experience? What am I to change? Whom am I to help? How can I remember my many blessings in times of trial?” 

I am guilty of the former types of questions, but also I strive to seek the answers to the second types of questions.  As Elder Holland said, "The past is to be learned from and not lived in." Just as Anne Morrow, said, suffering alone doesn't ennoble people, it is how one responds and endures suffering that ennobles.  Moving on from the first types of questions and asking the second types is ennobling.  I have found myself desiring to become a better person by strengthening the weaknesses in my character, by being a better listener, and striving to come outside of myself to serve others, or to maybe be a support to someone else.  

I have to confess that there are moments when I have felt so vulnerable to temptation and to poor decisions like I never have before.  I have questioned my faith, but then regained it.  I have felt like Peter falling into the water after walking on it for a few steps because of doubts though, I feel like I just keep falling and getting up over and over.  Thankfully, I have a foundation of spiritual experience to hold onto and build from, and I am determined to never forsake my faith and strive to come out of this divorce closer to my Savior, more compassionate, less judgmental, less selfish, more charitable, and more the woman I want to become: serene and dignified.  Come what may, whether I marry again or not, or have a family of my own or not, I believe that through obedience, service to others, and faith in my Savior, I can find happiness and purpose in my life.